Many people are afraid of conflict resolution. They feel threatened by conflict resolution because they may not get what they want if the other party gets what they want. Even in the best circumstances, conflict resolution is uncomfortable because people are usually unskilled at conflict resolution. Finally, people can get hurt in a conflict and, at work, they are still expected to work together effectively every day. Practicing personal courage is necessary if you want to really resolve conflicts at work.

http://humanresources.about.com/b/2006/06/12/personal-courage-and-conflict-resolution-at-work.htm

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Organization leaders are responsible for creating a work environment that enables people to thrive. If turf wars, disagreements and differences of opinion escalate into interpersonal conflict, you must intervene immediately. Not intervening is not an option if you value your organization and your positive culture. In conflict-ridden situations, your mediation skill and interventions are critic.

Actions to Avoid in Conflict Resolution

• Do not avoid the conflict, hoping it will go away. Trust me. It won’t. Even if the conflict appears to have been superficially put to rest, it will rear its ugly head whenever stress increases or a new disagreement occurs. An unresolved conflict or interpersonal disagreement festers just under the surface in your work environment. It burbles to the surface whenever enabled, and always at the worst possible moment. This, too, shall pass, is not an option – ever.

• Do not meet separately with people in conflict. If you allow each individual to tell their story to you, you risk polarizing their positions. The person in conflict has a vested interest in making himself or herself “right” if you place yourself in the position of judge and jury. The sole goal of the employee, in this situation, is to convince you of the merits of their case.

• Do not believe, for even a moment, the only people who are affected by the conflict are the participants. Everyone in your office and every employee with whom the conflicting employees interact, is affected by the stress. People feel as if they are walking on egg shells in the presence of the antagonists. This contributes to the creation of a hostile work environment for other employees. In worst case scenarios, your organization members take sides and your organization is divided.

http://humanresources.about.com/od/managementtips/a/conflict_solue.htm

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Managers at all levels do their best to avoid conflict with or between their employees.  In an ideal environment, there is open communication, training, set expectations, and a free exchange of ideas.  Unfortunately, not every situation is ideal, thus the need for a good conflict resolution plan.

There are many ways to resolve conflict within your work environment:  surrendering, running away, overpowering your opponent with violence, filing a lawsuit, etc. The movement toward Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), sometimes referred to simply as conflict resolution, grew out of the belief that there are better options than using violence or going to court. Today, the terms ADR and conflict resolution are used somewhat interchangeably and refer to a wide range of processes that encourage nonviolent dispute resolution outside of the traditional court system.

Here are a few ideas to consider when developing practices and processes through which conflict can be resolved within your team or organization:

Peer to Peer

Sit with each employee separately, behind closed doors, and listen to each side objectively.  Take copious notes so that each persons’ viewpoints are remembered.  Once you have both sides of the story, bring both employees in and have them tell the story again, encouraging them to use phrases such as I felt (bad, hurt, angry, etc) when (situation) happened.  The more the employees use feelings that point to how they felt, the easier the conflict will be to resolve because the other side won’t have a reason to get defensive if they don’t feel that the other is being accusatory.

Remember to refer to the individual conversations you had with each employee.  If you believe one or the other is not telling it the way they did when they were alone with you, remind them of what they said and try to redirect the conversation.  The key is resolution, which means that once the conflict is resolved, there should be no returning to this situation again.  A good reminder of this for each employee is very important as well.

If you are unable to resolve the conflict on your own with the two employees, enlist the help of your HR Manager or Director.  Their job is to ensure there is harmony in the work environment, and they will be objective in their approach to the situation.  Since they are also an objective resource available, they may be your best method to effective conflict resolution between your employees.

Employee to Supervisor

If the conflict is between an employee and a supervisor, it is best to immediately get HR involved.  Again, their job is to objectively resolve situations so that justice is done and peace is restored within the organization.  They will likely follow a similar process of having each individual share their side of the story; however, they will also likely be quicker to come to resolution because they are not emotionally involved in the conflict.

Sometimes it is helpful to have the employee write out their own versions of the conflict, and then have them read each others version (with HR supervision).  This may help them see the others point of view and recognize where they were at fault.

Keep in mind that no one truly wants conflict.  An increasing number of companies are striving toward creating conditions within the workplace that enable people to resolve their problems quickly and without outside intervention. These employee dispute resolution systems channel employee conflict in constructive directions and encourage early resolution.

The policies are integrated into the corporate culture and use a variety of approaches, including some of the above mentioned specific ideas, as well as employee hot lines, peer review panels, mediation, and arbitration to resolve disputes.

http://www.moneyinstructor.com/art/conflictres.asp

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In many cases, conflict in the workplace just seems to be a fact of life. We’ve all seen situations where different people with different goals and needs have come into conflict. And we’ve all seen the often-intense personal animosity that can result.

The fact that conflict exists, however, is not necessarily a bad thing: As long as it is resolved effectively, it can lead to personal and professional growth.

In many cases, effective conflict resolution can make the difference between positive and negative outcomes.

The good news is that by resolving conflict successfully, you can solve many of the problems that it has brought to the surface, as well as getting benefits that you might not at first expect:

• Increased understanding: The discussion needed to resolve conflict expands people’s awareness of the situation, giving them an insight into how they can achieve their own goals without undermining those of other people.
• Increased group cohesion: When conflict is resolved effectively, team members can develop stronger mutual respect, and a renewed faith in their ability to work together.
• Improved self-knowledge: Conflict pushes individuals to examine their goals in close detail , helping them understand the things that are most important to them, sharpening their focus, and enhancing their effectiveness.

However, if conflict is not handled effectively, the results can be damaging. Conflicting goals can quickly turn into personal dislike. Teamwork breaks down. Talent is wasted as people disengage from their work. And it’s easy to end up in a vicious downward spiral of negativity and recrimination.

If you’re to keep your team or organization working effectively, you need to stop this downward spiral as soon as you can.

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_81.htm

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Discrimination is a major factor in workplace conflict both between employees who feel they are being harassed due to social factors, and between employees and employers, where employees feel they are being held back or suppressed due to a discriminatory factor.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) recognizes seven types of discrimination that make up the bulk of workplace conflict charges registered with the EEOC:

• Race
• Sex
• National Origin
• Religion
• Age
• Disability
• Equal Pay

Discrimination can manifest in verbal or written forms which denigrate an employee for their race, gender, lifestyle, nation of origin, age, disability, social position, upbringing, attire or physical appearance, and may be in the form of inappropriate communication, epithets, unequal division of assignments, unequal pay, lack of promotions, preferential treatment for other employees, inappropriate physical contact or assault.

People have a tendency to act out against those that are different from them, but the Fourteenth Amendment of the Constitution and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 protect employees from harassment or unequal treatment and those that harass on purpose, or through lack of action fail to prevent harassment, are likely to be sued.

Discrimination can manifest in verbal or written forms which denigrate an employee for their race, social position, upbringing, attire or physical appearance, and can be noticed in the form of epithets or unequal division of assignments or unequal pay.

http://www.squidoo.com/employee-harassment-discrimination-lawsuits-complaint

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Workplaces can be territorial and adverserial places to be, and this is exacerbated by poor attitudes about equality or simply a lack of knowledge about employee rights.  Sometimes employers don’t go the extra mile to improve facilities, employees go out of their way to make other employee’s lives difficult, or employers actively discriminate

against their employees.

The downside to this behavior (besides lost productivity due to complications and the self-esteem of those who are harrassed and/or not supported) is that more and more employees are lashing out with lawsuits against their employers, trying to get what they deserve while trying to make changes that will benefit them at work and create the right environment to reduce or eliminate future conflicts.

Companies should be proactive in these events so as to avoid complications with employees and resulting lawsuits, but if they can’t, then they should be prepared to go to court, or better yet, be prepared to mediate to resolve the issue, and work with the wronged employee to find a solution for the future.

We’ll look at conflict in the workplace, with some statistics on the matter and the results of mediation.

http://www.squidoo.com/employee-harassment-discrimination-lawsuits-complaint

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Think you work with a bully? Do you regularly feel intimidated, dread to work near a particular coworker, or you’re yelled at, insulted, and put down? Does a coworker talk over you at meetings, criticize you, or steal credit for your work? If you answer yes to these questions, chances are good that you’re one of 54 million Americans who have been attacked by a bully at work.

You know you’re working with a bully when the bully picks out your mistakes and constantly brings them up. Or worse, the bully gossips about you, tells lies to your coworkers, and even sabotages your work. If you dread going to work, you may have a bully coworker or boss. If your employer won’t help you, and a recent study says they often won’t, these are the actions to take to defeat the bully.

You’re Not Alone: A Bully Lives in Many Workplaces

The Zogby study, in conjunction with the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute (WBTI), found that:

• 45% of Americans have not experienced or witnessed bullying, but 37% have been bullied; 12% have witnessed bullying.
• Bosses comprise 72% of bullies.
• More men (60%) are bullies, but women bullies target other women (71%).
• 62% of employers ignore the problem; 40% of employees targeted by a bully never tell their employer.
• 45% of people targeted by a bully experience stress-related health problems including debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, and clinical depression (39%).

How to Deal With a Bully

You can deal with a bully and change the bully’s behavior if you are willing to practice personal courage. But, you must do something. The bully will not go away; if you make yourself an easy target, you will only encourage the bully. Here’s how to deal with your office bully.

Set Limits on What You Will Tolerate From a Bully

Most importantly, once you have set the limit in your mind, exercise your right to tell the bully to stop the behavior. You might want to rehearse these steps with a friend so that you are more comfortable responding when the bully attacks.

• Describe the behavior you see the bully exhibiting – don’t editorialize or offer opinions, just describe what you see. (You regularly enter my cubicle, lean over my shoulder, and read my personal correspondence on my computer screen.)
• Tell the bully exactly how his behavior is impacting your work. (Because much of my work is confidential, these actions make me feel as if I need to hide what I am working on from you, or change screens which is a waste of my time.)
• Tell the bully what behavior you will not put up with in the future. (In the future, you are not to enter my cubicle unless I invite you to come in. This is my private work space and your actions are unwelcome.)
• Stick with your statement and if the bully violates your space, move on to confrontation.

Confront the Bully With His Own Behavior

Confronting a bully is scary and hard. But, as Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon suggest in I Hate People (compare prices), bullies are “only effective when they’re on solid ground. Ground that you can take away.” They suggest that, “Next time he swears or heaves a phone book, call it out. Point out that he’s swearing or yelling, and leave the room. Or end the call.”

“Remember: You’re the adult dealing with a tantrum. No wise parent gives in to a child’s fit because it just leads to more fits.

”You’re wrapping Bulldozer’s fury with tough love. By making statements about his conduct, you’re putting him on notice. Keep up your game and by the second or third attempt, Bulldozer will tire of spinning his treads in the sand.”

This confrontational approach works in meetings, too. If the bully is talking over you with complaints and criticisms, ask him a direct question about what he recommends instead. If that doesn’t work ask him to leave the meeting until you finish your discussion. If he refuses, end the meeting and reschedule the meeting without him.

You need to call out the bully on your terms.

Document the Bully’s Actions

Any time you are feeling bullied or experiencing bullying behavior, document the date, time and details of the incident. Note if another employee witnessed the incident. If you eventually seek help from Human Resources, documentation, especially documentation of the bully’s impact on business results and success, gives HR information to work with on your behalf. The bully is not just hurting your feelings; the bully is sabotaging business success.

If the bullying occurs in email or correspondence, maintain a hard copy of the trail of emails and file them in a folder in your computer.

Your Coworkers Are Targets of the Bully, Too

Note whether the bully pulls the same behavior with your coworkers. Ask your coworkers to document the bully’s behavior and any scenes they witness when the bully targets any coworker. If five of you experience the bullying, and five of you document, then you build a case to which HR and your management can respond on solid ground. They need evidence and witnesses, even if everyone knows, that the bully is a bully.

Also, if you decide to press charges in the future, you need witnesses and documentation. The Zogby-WBTI study indicates that only 3% of bullied employees sue and 4% complain to state or federal agencies. So, it’s best to confront the behavior, but don’t rule out the possibility of a suit, especially if your employment is terminated or threatened by the bully.

Tell Management and HR About the Bully

You’ve tried to implement these recommendations, but they aren’t working to stop the bully. It’s time to get help. Go to HR or your manager with your evidence, especially the evidence that demonstrates the impact of the bully on the business, and file a formal complaint. Most employee handbooks describe the HR investigation process that your complaint sets in motion.

Hope for the best resolution but be prepared to explore other options so you have less contact with the bully. You may even need to find a new job. You may never know what HR did about the bully; you can assess the impact by how he now treats you.

You can address the behavior of a bully in your workplace. With persistence and personal courage, you can neutralize the bully behavior and regain your conflict-free workplace.

http://humanresources.about.com/od/difficultpeople/qt/work_bully.htm

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Maybe it’s the fear of rejection or the daunting prospect of a one-on-one with a boss, but one thing is clear: People don’t like to negotiate. A new study from LinkedIn finds that when it comes to negotiating in the workplace, 42 percent of U.S. professionals find it uncomfortable. One quarter, in fact, admit they have never negotiated in the workplace.

“Ours is a culture where negotiating is not the norm, a factor made worse by people’s current fears over the economy and job market,” says Selena Rezvani, author of Pushback: How Smart Women Ask-and Stand Up-for What They Want. “Many Americans believe negotiating is essentially asking for an exception to a rule, which then makes their request a loaded affair based on ‘deservingness,’” she says.

LinkedIn’s study surveyed 2,000 professionals in eight

countries. Globally, it found that 35 percent of people report feeling anxious or frightened about negotiating, while 34 percent said they feel confident. Just 10 percent said negotiations are exciting and 10 percent feel indifferent about it.

LinkedIn found that professionals from Germany and India have the most positive outlook: Twenty-one percent of Germans reported they are excited about negotiating, while Indians were the most confident with nearly half (47 percent) reporting they feel confident about negotiating.

“In other cultures like India, for example, negotiating everything from the price of a piece of fruit to the terms of your job are the norm,” Rezcani says. “Indian culture allows for more aggressive negotiating where people actually expect you to push back on their initial offer.”

Professionals who fail to negotiate well, or at all, do themselves a serious financial disservice, Rezcani says. “When we don’t negotiate our salaries, we leave thousands, even millions, of dollars on the table unclaimed. This not only affects us negatively right now, but drastically dwarfs the retirement savings we work so hard to accumulate.”

But the drawbacks aren’t just financial. They’re directly related to career growth. ” What’s more, in my interviews with top executives, negotiation and conflict-resolution skills emerged as a leadership necessity,” she says. “So, if we don’t negotiate effectively at entry and mid levels, we may be branding ourselves as workers who aren’t leadership material.”

Rezvani offers seven tips to boost timid negotiators’ confidence.

1. Consult your network. Rezvani says that your network is usually the most underused tool in a negotiation. Look to your LinkedIn connections for insight into your counterpart’s motivations and style, and bounce ideas off them.

2. Set high expectations. People suffer from low expectations more than anything else, says Rezvani. This causes negotiators to aim low and get too little, or to avoid negotiating entirely. “Always start with an ambitious outcome that would delight you and thrill you, not just simply satisfy you,” she says.

3. Close the gap. Don’t overestimate the other party’s power, Rezvani suggests. Instead, see the person you’re negotiating with as a peer. “This can make all the difference in getting the outcomes we want,” she says.

4. No means “Not Yet.” ”One big mistake people make is to assume that when someone says ‘no,’ the matter is closed for discussion,” Rezvani says. The timing might not have been right, so ask a second time under different circumstances. “If you never hear ‘no,’ you’re probably not asking for enough,” she says.

5. If there’s no precedent, still negotiate. Rezvani says it’s OK to ask for an exception to the rule. Be the first to ask for it, make the case for how it will work and how your boss can build in checkpoints along the way to evaluate how it’s going.

6. Do your homework. You can gain an advantage by drafting a plan for what you’re proposing, Rezvani says. By highlighting the key details of your proposal, you save the other side time. Adding a signature or approval line, too, strengthens your case, she says.

7. Hold your ground. ”While in a negotiation, try drawing out the conversation rather than ending it short or surrendering with, OK,’” she says. “You can experiment with being silent for a few seconds to level the power or you can ask questions that open up dialogue and deepen the conversation.”

http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/253220/7_career_tips_to_help_you_negotiate_better.html

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Given that conflict is such an inevitable part of life, the answer to its appearance would seem clear-cut: Handle the conflict the way you would in every other part of life. Trouble is, there are too many people who try to avoid discord.

Fear and Anger

There is no single reason why people dodge conflict. Some subconsciously remember experiences from their youth and shy away from negative situations. Others might find that they get angry and cannot deal rationally with circumstances, or that they are flustered

and unsure of how to resolve a problem. Perhaps other people seem to be aggressive, more powerful, and intent on having their way. Specifics change, but there are always two underlying emotions when people face conflict, and each one gives rise to one common set of reactions. The first is fear that can grow to terror when unchecked. This emotion spurs lying, hiding from reality, and other avoidance mechanisms.

The other emotion is anger. That is natural, as the two have been tied together for as long as the human race has existed. The product could be such things as egoism, aggressive behavior, and inflexibility.

It is a mistake to think that people feel either fear or anger exclusively. Anyone emotionally reacting to conflict will experience both feelings. The proportions of each will vary, and an individual might lean toward one end of the spectrum or the other, but both will exist. That is why, for example, some people who seem outwardly passive have simply suppressed their anger and express it in backhanded ways — the condition that many call passive aggression.

People Remain Victims

The problem for most people is that they are trapped within this meeting of fear and anger. They react blindly — that is to say, they don’t see what is happening in themselves and fail to understand how it affects their relationship to the world. In short, they are victims. Those who don’t learn to rise above their reactions will find themselves victims of their own natures every time they encounter conflict.

Breaking Free

We know that conflict is a mainstay of existence and, therefore, it will be part of any team experience. Match that with the reluctant understanding that most of us are uncomfortable, at least part of the time, with any form of discord, and the prospects are bleak for the smooth and effective operation of your team.

Your only choice is to handle the inevitable conflict in a productive way and to help your team members do the same. The place to start is at the beginning of conflict. Understand the nature of the conflict and the benefit it can actually provide.

To be a safe and predictable person for those around you at work and at home, it is essential that you are able to maintain your composure when you feel like your ‘buttons’ are being pushed. This strength will help you to achieve your goals in business as well as your goals for your personal relationships.

1. Share negative emotions only in person or on the phone. E-mails, answering machine messages, and notes are too impersonal for the delicate nature of negative words. What feels like a bomb on paper may feel like a feather when delivered in person.

2. Pepper your responses with the phrase, “I understand”. This phrase will support your goals when the tension is high and you need to find common ground to form compromises or agreements with the other party.

3. Take notice when you feel threatened by what someone is saying to you. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or to “shut down” the other person’s communication. It will take this kind of discipline to become an open, trusting communicator.

4. Practice making requests of others when you are angry. It is often much more useful to make a request than to share your anger. For example, if the babysitter is driving you crazy by leaving dirty dishes in the sink, it is better to make a request of them than to let your anger leak out in other ways such as by becoming more distant.

5. Try repeating the exact words that someone is saying to you when they are in a lot of emotional pain or when you disagree with them completely. This mirroring technique can keep both the speaker and the listener ‘centered’ in a difficult conversation, especially when the attitude of the person doing the mirroring is to gain understanding of a different point of view.

6. Take responsibility for your feelings to avoid blaming others.   Notice when ‘blameshifting’ begins to leak into your speech. “I feel angry when you are twenty minutes late and you don’t call me” is much better than, “You make me so mad by being late.”

7. Learn to listen to the two sides of the conflict that you are in as if you were the mediator or the counselor.   If you can listen and respond in this way you will bring peace and solutions to the conflict more quickly. For example, in response to an employee’s raise request, you might say, “On the one hand I understand that you really need the raise, and on the other hand I represent the company, whose funds are very scarce at this time. Is there a way that I can work on your compensation package that does not involve cash?” Here, the mediator’s point of view can look for the creative compromise that takes into account the limits and the needs of both parties.

8. Take a playful attitude towards developing the skill of emotional self-control in high conflict situations. You could view maintaining self-control in a tense, angry converstion as an athletic feat. You could also view developing this skill as similar to working out at the gym with weights – the more that you use your self-control muscle the bigger it will grow and the easier it will be to remain calm when tension is great.

9. Wait a few days to cool down emotionally when a situation makes you feel wild with intense feelings, such as rage.   As time passes, you will be able to be more objective about the issues and to sort out the truth about the situation more clearly.

10. Make a decision to speak with decorum whenever you are angry or frustrated.   If you give yourself permission to blow up, people will not feel safe around you. They will feel that you are not predictable and will carry ‘shields’ when they are near you. The fear and walls of others will not support your goals for success in relationships or at work.

http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/selfhelp/a/tentips.htm

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