Resolution Mediation

When you think about it, we all have a style of resolving conflicts. In my research and work in conflict resolution over the past 30 years, I see strong differences between the masculine and feminine styles of resolving disputes. The masculine way is linear, aggressive, and often attacking. The feminine style includes conciliation, withdrawing, and concession. If you have a style that is predominantly one or the other, you won’t be as effective as you could be. And, the feminine and masculine aren’t necessarily tied to people of the same gender: in other words, there are men who have a more feminine style, and women who are more aggressive.

Think about the way our national and state governments resolve issues. It is typically a masculine way, with finding fault, blame, and lacking compassion. If governments at all levels practiced a more balanced approach, it would look very different. We would see opposing sides taking responsibility, being assertive in their approaches, attempting to learn from successes and failures, and having compassion for the other side.

Companies that have a strong masculine approach to conflict resolution have a culture of “take no prisoners.” It’s good to be competitive, but that approach doesn’t allow for learning, so there’s no

recurrence of the same conflicts.

Organizations that have a strong feminine approach — there are far fewer of these — are pleasant, avoid conflicts, and don’t address the tough issues, thereby causing a reduction in competitiveness.

What can you do? Develop a balanced approach to conflict. Here are some basic guidelines to follow:

1. Even in the face of strong disagreement, have compassion for your adversary. It’s tough to do, but is highly effective.

2. Ask more questions of the other person so you can understand their perspective better, even if you vehemently disagree.

3. Start your discussion with a listing of the facts surrounding the situation. This helps to de-fuse the situation. And better than starting off by telling the other side how wrong they are!

4. Know what is negotiable and non-negotiable before you enter a discussion or negotiation. You don’t have to reveal these right away but know what they are.

5. Maintain neutral language when you are in the discussion. Pointing fingers, assigning blame, making accusations just puts more oil on the fire instead of making it possible to resolve the situation.

6. Stand your ground – don’t allow yourself to be bullied. If the other person tries to intimidate by yelling, for example, you can say something like, “I can hear you better if you don’t raise your voice. Please say that again.”

These are just a few guidelines for you the next time you need to resolve conflict with another person. People that have a more feminine approach to conflict generally don’t want to have these conversations. They are afraid of the intensity, especially if the other person is higher on the food chain at work. Working with clients over the years, my clients have become much more comfortable with being a problem-solver, becoming much less intimidated by conflict.

Here’s a story of someone I recently worked with that had a conflict with her manager. Jane (not her real name) has a micromanager for a boss. He is over her shoulder, making her nervous and prone to mistakes. She has a stereotypical conflict style – she hates conflict and would rather not deal with it at all. After getting a bit of coaching, she learned how to be more assertive and stand her ground. She used her compassionate nature to her advantage, disarming her boss by showing how she understood what a hard job he had, and that he could use his time better than to stand over her desk. There’s more to the story, but I think you get the point.

On the other hand, when someone is aggressive, learn to ask questions, let the other person have their say, become more  understanding. These are all qualities that are extremely useful.

We don’t change our basic nature, we just learn to enhance our positive qualities, and minimize the negative ones.

Look around you at your coworkers, clients, etc. Start to identify who has a masculine style, who has a feminine style, and who has a balanced style. I bet the people you view as balanced – between masculine and feminine – are more likeable and you are more prone to give them the extra mile.

Wouldn’t it be grand if our elected officials could learn that, too?

http://www.azbiz.com/articles/2010/08/20/sales_marketing/women_in_business/doc4c6ebd5bc2054076510190.txt

Resolution Mediation

http://www.resolutionmediation.net/

Furnasman One Hour Heating Cooling Services

Derrick Dodge

Eagle Ridge GM

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