We are often forced to work with people who have very different outlooks and perceptions of the work that needs to be completed and in some more challenging work environments, management may in fact chose to place people, with very different outlooks,  together in order to provoke and promote a more creative and competitive problem solving environment.

Workplace conflict can be as simple as office gossip all the way to colleague bullying and intimidation and understanding the types of conflict as well as the various ways that people deal with conflict will determine if resolution is a possibility.

The Five Strategies Used in Conflict Management and Resolution Include:-

Avoidance – Although this is the most commonly used and is ideal if the conflict is of minor consequence and where addressing the conflict requires more effort than ignoring it and moving forward without confrontation.  This is particularly prevalent in the event of office gossip where the person who is being gossiped about doesn´t feel the need or desire to answer or justify what is being said about them.  The problem with dealing with conflict in this manner is that it is not resolved and can fester into something more troublesome in the future.

Accommodation – Accepting untruths about performance or unwarranted criticism.  Certain staff members who may not have confidence in their abilities can be overwhelmed by more aggressive colleagues who will offer unwarranted and unhelpful criticism in order to gain the upper hand in a conflict.  Accommodating their aggressive advancements will prevent the less confident party from growing and being as productive as they can be.  This method is not suitable, but may be used prior to management intervention.

Compromise – Finding a solution to a conflict by means of both parties compromising to a degree.  This method of resolution is ideal when both parties have equal power in the conflict and are able to create a solution that is suitable for all parties concerned.  Delegating workload amongst team members by accepting your fair share even when you feel that you are presently overloaded with work in an attempt to resolve conflict is an excellent example of this style of conflict resolution.

Compete – Taking a stand and returning the same level of adversity in order to diffuse the situation. This is an extremely adversarial means of diffusing conflict by means of retaliation using the same methods.  By playing the person at his or her own game, you are able to reduce the effectiveness of their challenge and reduce the level of conflict.  This process, unfortunately, can have the reverse effect where a vicious circle of conflict can escalate and reducing oneself to another persons level may not show you in the best possible light.

Collaborate – Both parties working together to find a solution without having to compromise where both sides are equally involved and committed to finding a solution.  Collaboration involves having both parties explaining their viewpoint and making use of lateral thinking to find a solution that can work for both parties without either having to compromise.  This does however involve an understanding that both parties are at fault for allowing the situation to arise without communicating clearly with each other and that emotion and tempers have no place in finding a solution.  Removing the criticism from the person and placing it on the behaviour will also ensure that both parties are able to objectively look forward.

Dealing with conflict often brings us back to the understanding that some people who enjoy confrontation and conflict in the workplace are seeking to gain control over others and have all too frequently experienced the same power struggles before, using this process as compensation for their own feelings of inadequacy.  Taking the time to understand and offering a little compassion can go a long way to resolving conflict both in the workplace and in our personal lives.

http://www.mediationprocess.org/dealing-with-conflict.html

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It was almost too late by the time he did bring her into the real conversation. His need to avoid confrontation is so strong that he has a safe confrontation in his mind and feels that he has dealt with the issue. As you can imagine, this doesn’t work – especially for the other person involved.

Are you guilty of holding mental conflicts and confrontations?

Many people are uncomfortable when it comes to confrontation. I understand the concept of having the conversation in your head; so you can plan out what you want to say and how you want to say it. Sometimes these mental conversations are enough to settle the issue, as you realize you are making too much out of a simple situation.

I know that I have spent hours lying in bed at night having conversations with people with whom I am angry and frustrated. Not only does this practice disrupt your sleep, your attitude and your health, it never really resolves the issue, and is potentially damaging to your relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that you need to confront every action. If you have the conversation once in your head, don’t worry about it. If it comes back and you have it again, perhaps start thinking about holding a real conversation. By the third “in your head” confrontation, you need to start planning how you will deal with the real confrontation, because it looks as if you are going to need to do that.

How to Hold a Real, Necessary Conflict or Confrontation

Start by preparing yourself to confront the real issue. Be able to state the issue in one (or two), non-emotional, factual based sentences.

For example, assume you want to confront your coworker for taking all of the credit for the work that the two of you did together on a project. Instead of saying, “You took all the credit, blah, blah, blah…” and venting your frustration, which is what you might say in your mind, rephrase your approach using the above guidelines.

Say instead, “It looks as if I played no role in the Johnson account. My name does not appear anywhere on the document, nor I have been given credit anywhere that I can see.” (I’ve used additional communication techniques such as “I” language as well in this statement. Notice that I avoided using the words “I feel” because that is an emotional statement, without proof and facts. The facts in this statement cannot be disputed, but an “I feel” statement is easy for your coworker to refute.)

Make your initial statement and stop talking.

When the person you are confronting responds, allow them to respond. It’s a human tendency, but don’t make the mistake of adding to your initial statement, to further justify the statement. Defending why you feel the way you do will generally just create an argument. Say what you want to say (the confrontation), then just allow the other person to respond.

Especially since you’ve probably held the conversation in your head a few times, you may think you “know” how the other person is going to respond. But, it’s a mistake to jump to that point before they have the opportunity to respond. Resist the temptation to say anything else at this point. Let them respond.

Avoid arguing during the confrontation.

Confrontation does not mean fight. It means: state what you have say. Listen to what they have to say. Many times it actually ends right there. Do you need to prove the other person right or wrong? Does someone have to take blame? Get your frustration off your chest, and move on.

Figure out the conflict resolution you want before the confrontation.

If you approached your coworker with the initial statement, “You took all the credit, blah, blah, blah…” her response is likely going to be quite defensive. Perhaps she’ll say something like, “Yes, you have been given credit. I said both of our names to the boss just last week.”

If you already know what you are looking for in the confrontation, this is where you move the conversation. Don’t get into an argument about whether she did or didn’t mention anything to the boss last week – that isn’t really the issue and don’t let it distract you from accomplishing the goal of the confrontation.

Your response could be, “I would appreciate if in the future that we use both of our names on any documentation, and include each other in all of the correspondence about the project.”

Focus on the real issue of the confrontation.

The other party will either agree or disagree. Keep to the issue at this point, and avoid all temptation to get into an argument. Negotiate, but don’t fight. The issue is you aren’t receiving credit, and you want your name on the documentation. That’s it. It isn’t about blame, about who is right or wrong or anything other than your desired resolution.

You will rarely look forward to confrontation; you may never become completely comfortable with, or even skilled in, confrontation. However, it is important that you say something when you are frustrated and angry. If you can’t stand up for yourself, who will?

http://humanresources.about.com/od/conflictresolution/a/confrontation.htm

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Reframe The Issue

This tactic allows you to control the outcome of a confrontation. Instead of giving in to your confronter’s allegation, reframe it to your favor. A colleague might say, ‘What were you thinking? You had the clients riled up!” Instead of admitting fault or getting defensive, reframe it with: “I sure got their attention.”

Rephrase The Comment

When a coworker uses a negative word or phrase to describe your actions, an easy way to correct them without escalating the confrontation is simply to rephrase the statement. It will show the coworker that you understand their meaning but don’ t agree. If a colleague comments on your work style as being “too slow,” you might respond with, “I do try to be thorough.”

Rejoin Your Coworker

In a workplace confrontation, it’s often to your advantage to defuse the conflict as quickly and easily as possible. Offering your colleague a flippant rejoinder is a verbal way of showing that you’re not pleased but not interested in fighting. Common rejoinders like “whatever makes you happy” or “be my guest” are easy ways out of a confrontation.

Revisit A Past Success

When a coworker is being argumentative at a level that is insulting or unproductive, this tactic reminds them of a positive work experience that you’ve had in the past. It will subtly hint at their own overreaction and help refocus them on the task at hand. If a partner is upset about one aspect of a project, a good reply might be: “So far we’ve successfully agreed on three of the four issues, so I’d say that’s a good foundation for figuring this out too.”

Restate Your View

Often, a colleague’s anger is a reaction to something you’ve said or done. If you realize that there is a misunderstanding, try to clear it up. When you see that something is amiss, say, “Let me back up because I think I said the wrong thing.” You may even try humor: “Did I put my foot in my mouth again?” Accepting some responsibility will help put the other person at ease.

Request A Clarification

Perhaps one of the most important comebacks to conflict, questioning your confronter is an ideal way to professionally resolve the situation. If you usually have a good working relationship with a colleague who says something pointed, you may ask: “Can you explain what you mean? I don’t want to misunderstand.” You may also ask questions to get to the source of the issue. If you are verbally attacked, you could ask where the information came from or what a possible resolution might be.

Rebalance The Power

The feeling that you’ve lost your power in a work relationship can be miserable, but you can often regain the balance by taking positive action. Some conflicts are nonverbal, and in fact, silence can be one of the hardest things to overcome. If you’ve asked your boss for a recommendation letter that she has taken weeks to write, it’s easy to get defensive or wonder what the issue is. Instead, take some of your power back by writing the letter for her and asking her to look over it.

Reorganize Priorities

When someone lists a series of complaints, try reprioritizing them in a way that benefits you. A great comeback to this type of assault is: “Let’s take these issues one at a time and start here because it’s the most pressing.” It will allow you to guide the conversation more efficiently.

Rebuke The Confronter

This comeback to conflict should be utilized only when you are certain that the insult was intentional and that the stakes require you to assert yourself boldly. In this case, the confronter is out of line and needs to be corrected. You may say: “If that was meant to be funny you missed the mark.”

Retaliate Against Assault

This comeback should also be used sparingly, as it may escalate a confrontation. When you’ve been publically humiliated or threatened, it’s time to retaliate. Options that are direct and still professional are “consider yourself lucky that I’m a patient person,” or “I’ll meet you upstairs in HR.”

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The hospital’s enhanced violence prevention program, born out of the tragic death of nurse Lori Dupont, who was killed on the job in 2005 by her colleague and former boyfriend Dr. Marc Daniel, was still relatively new, drawing varied responses from Hotel-Dieu staff.

“When you say to people: ‘You’re compelled to take training that will prevent you from being violent,’ people feel targeted and they get their backs up,” said Dawn Ricker-Vassos. “And particularly … because of Dr. Daniel, I think physicians felt really targeted by this.”

But a year into her unique role at Hotel-Dieu, Ricker-Vassos said attitudes have changed, with doctors and hospital staff embracing workplace violence prevention training with positive feedback and even suggestions on how to make it better.

“I’ve been just astounded by the level of buy-in and participation,” Ricker-Vassos said.

The workshops — compulsory for every employee and physician seeking privileges at the hospital -— are among the sweeping changes Hotel-Dieu has made since a lengthy coroner’s inquest ended with 26 jury recommendations aimed at preventing future violent incidents in hospitals across the province.

Hotel-Dieu spokeswoman Kim Spirou said she knows of only a couple of physicians who refused to take part in the workshops and have lost privileges as a result. Both doctors had only courtesy privileges at the hospital, which usually involves dropping by from time to time to check in on patients. Spirou said Hotel-Dieu has not lost any specialists because they wouldn’t participate in violence prevention training.

Every physician must meet with Ricker-Vassos at least once and attend the workshop where key topics include conflict resolution and recognizing violence, bullying and bad behaviour in the workplace.

The hospital’s code of conduct, bylaws and rules against harassment are reviewed, and Ricker-Vassos said she makes sure everyone understands that the definition of violence in the workplace goes beyond physical contact.

“When you’re standing over someone and looming in their face, that’s workplace violence. When you’re threatening to have someone’s licence or livelihood, that’s workplace violence. And that has devastating impacts on people,” she said.

Most of the complaints that come through her office have to do with “incivility and miscommunication,” she said.

“And when it lingers, things get worse and worse.”

Ricker-Vassos said violence prevention training is just one part of her job. She spends a lot of time meeting with staff, physicians, supervisors and managers and working to resolve conflicts between people before they escalate.

“People need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Sitting down to address a conflict is very uncomfortable,” she said. “People would rather deliver death news, I think, than deal with these personal, contentious issues,” she said.

“It’s a matter of bringing people together and creating an ongoing plan for a resolution and then a follow-up to that plan to make sure that supervisors are working with their staff to improve relationships and communication.”

Ricker-Vassos calls her office a “one-stop shop” for staff affected by conflict and violence, whether it’s at work or at home. Many people approach her with personal issues, usually dealing with domestic violence.

At Windsor Regional Hospital, there has been a longstanding program aimed at preventing workplace violence, but there is no compulsory training for staff or physicians.

Dr. Gary Ing, the hospital’s chief of staff, said it’s not necessary because violence and conflict prevention is part of doctors’ “ongoing education” while they’re at WRH and they know that any misbehaviour will be taken into account when the status of their privileges is being reviewed.

“The physicians don’t feel obligated, but they’re willing to participate in the complaints process,” Ing said. “It has worked out for us and we’ve had a lot of success over the years.”

Ing said the hospital relies on its recently redrafted professional conduct bylaws, the physician complaint management policy and the office of mediator Aruna Koushik to deal with conflicts as soon as they are flagged.

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